My life in Sweden.

ok, i know, i was depressed in my last posting. Downright sad!!
But, again, i chose this path, and i dont regret it a second. I have to keep telling myself that.
Its hard, unbelievably hard sometimes. But this time...last weekend, was the hardest.
My body was really aching. Crying. I just wanted Helenis and Sweden.

Sometimes i look at houses for sale in Sweden. Stockholm area....but on the westcoast too. Hell, even Kode haha.
I look at the houses, dream away for some minutes. What my life would look like.
A red house with white edges. A big garden with apple trees. A Golden retriever running around, playing with our 3 kids. Im inside, cooking. Then David drives up the alley, he's coming home from work. I made a rhubarbpie. The whole family is watching Idol.

I picture myself having my friends over for game-nights, wine and cheese. Just good ol' girl nights. Talking the night away.
I picture our kids growing up together. Vindaloo-heirs :-)
I picture us going to Timmervik, or Rortangen, for some good BBQ with all my friends.
I picture myself strolling around with my baby in the stroller with my mama and momo.

But then...in the middle of all this utopia. I wake up. I dont like the swedish people. They're too cold. Too unpolite. Girls talk too much shit, and the guys are way to snobby. Bragging.
The drunk teens girls with white hair and no eyebrows, and the boys with their mopeds, caps and pimples.
You go to the store, and the cashiers dont talk to you. You have too much to carry but nobody offers their help. Its cold. Grey. Rainy. People are busy.

Where am i working? I dont have an education,and without education in Sweden, you practicly get nowhere. I cant be a wedding photographer in Sweden. There is no market for it right now.
Where is David working? There is only one good company for him, and its in Stockholm. A videogame company. Would he have to be stuck there for the rest of his life? No animation feature that he dreams of?

The vacation comes. It rains away. The winter comes, it rains away too. U want snow? Take vacation and go up north. Snow is a memory long gone where i come from...

Yes. It is darn lonely here. I look at my friend wall. At all the memories me and my girls have. It makes me warm. I miss them. I miss my mama. And i miss momo.

But i cant live in Sweden now. The Picturesque future im seeing there, lies far away.
One day when im tired of this sun. One day when we do get kids. One day when I'm a good photographer, and can build a career in Sweden. Then i'll come.

Until then... My heart will just have to ache a bit for my loved ones.

you've gotta choose one way. My way led me here. And this is where i belong. For now.

(PS1: I hope nobody gets offended when i write this about Sweden. Im just trying to make myself feel better. And in no way, im looking down on somebodys life! And Its not like i dont like ANY swedish people... just, some. )
(PS2: Helenis, The way you wrote in the last posting...it sounded like i was dead haha! But it was very cute of u, thanks to you, and Saris and Bella fro trying to make me feel better!!)

Kisses:: Boo